Keeping Current

All my lofty promises of being a better blogger have gone by the wayside as I'm sure have my 3 faithful readers. My life has been so full these last few weeks that I must write something down lest I burst. School has started this week for the kids...and me! What kinda' crazy person finally gets the house to herself and then enrolls in college? Well, obviously me. Today, I thought I was an idiot to have done such a thing. I have to do College and Career Preparation. All that means is all those years of chomping at the bit to get out of school were largely futile. Lovely. I had to take a placement test and made it to grade 11 math. I cried through it the first time I took it. Guess what? I looked at it today, and I cried again.
Yesterday was actually the first day for me. I spent most of the day running up and down and all around to try to get into the classes that I wanted to (or thought I did!) I signed up for the Chemistry 045 (Gr. 11) and got it be in the lab. I was exited even though it was just teaching basic safety. I have very little patience when having to listen to common sense being taught, but the thrill of being in the lab made even that interesting. I have always wanted to be in the lab.
I also have to take Math 045. I like some math, but some of it is so abstract to me that, well, I cry! The class I signed up for was self-directed and very difficult since there aren't any lectures. There is a teacher there for help, but I have a feeling that she would begin to shake her head if I started asking for help in the way that I feel I need it.
Today dawns bright and beautiful and I have a sick child that needs to stay home. I have already missed about 10 days of classes because of the late start I'm getting. (Do you feel my stress level raising?) I take the kids to school and sit down to do my math. I'm looking at it and I see how simple this section is. Basically, it's refreshing what you already know. Only, I don't get it. Rational numbers? Irrational numbers? It all sound bloody irrational to me. I'm sleep deprived and I have a little person chattering to me (one that is usually not chatty) and I'm so overwhelmed that I want to quit. I know that I cannot do this. I'm not a quitter, but this is crazy.
I had a meeting with my Chemistry teacher at 10. I had to get a friend to watch the child and go to the college to pick up my materials. My teacher is a man. I started to ask him some basic questions about the importance of doing what I am doing. (My original goal of lab tech may not be something I'm willing to do because of the intensity, having a family etc.) Of all the things to do, I start to bawl. I HATE bawling in public. I don't even know this guy, I met him less than 24hours before and I'm bawling out my problems... Oh the humiliation! This must have happened before because he took it all in stride, didn't even get that funny look most men get when faced with a crying woman. He talked some sense into me and set me on a better road than Math 045. I'll be taking Math 044. Then when i am confident about that, I can move on. So tomorrow, I will once again set off for the invigorating halls of CNC, knowing that I'm not crazy, at least not entirely, and I can do this and I won't be wasting my time.