I came across this lovely turn of phrase today while writing an email as a follow up to my "awkwardly executed obedience". As uncomfortable as it is, I feel inspired to write about it. (as an hysterical aside, my sister's blog is called "Wild Obedience"... she definitely is the wordsmith!)
2016 was a HARD YEAR. It sucked! There is no nice way of describing the truth of it. Painful, empty, hopeless, like being stuck in a mud bog, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere. Winter, the ugly part of Winter, not the beautiful snowy parts, the despairingly bleak part of winter.
2017 dawned and brought me hope. It stirred a fire in my spirit, like the dawning of Spring. Life has been renewed and hope has restored. I am seeing green shoots of promised victories poking through the muck that remains of 2016.
It is not my desire to be awkward, or to make others feel awkward. That being said, I volunteered a long time ago to do and say the hard things to pave the way for others. I have been called to be brave and courageous. Fear has not made that easy. Fear is a bastard.
Today I had a choice, obey the Spirit within me or surrender to the fear of man. Such an easy choice! I blithely stepped into obedience and rainbows broke out in the sky and unicorns started dancing in fields of daisies! So NOT the way it actually happened. So not. Rather, it was publicly awkward, in a place where everyone knows me. Step aside Mariah, my turn... Except, shame is also a bastard, and I refuse to surrender to shame too.
Could I have stepped out in a less awkward way? Probably. I have thought a several ways to redo it... It was messy. Would I do it again? Absolutely! Today I won a battle against the fear of man. There is a bit of debris to clean up, but through the clean up, the door to dialogue has been opened.
You see, Jesus delighted in my obedience! He wasn't looking at the mess I had made, He was rejoicing in my boldness and willingness. While this isn't actually new for me, the platform was. As a worship leader, I was afforded the opportunity to speak that I didn't have today. There was no beautiful segway from song to spoken word, today, it was just word. Today was baby steps in new territory. Jesus, like a proud parent, was delighted!
Who am I to please? God or Man? If that is my choice, hands down, I want to please God. Life brings forth more life. Birth is messy! Babies aren't born without a lot of pain and mess. Awkwardly executed obedience is simply the birthing process. Bring on the messy!
I pray that we may be bold and embrace the awkward, messy process. I bless you with courage and boldness and a willingness to embrace the messy, there is life and hope on the other side. I hope you are surrounded by good people who will pick you up and brush you off and encourage you in the aftermath.
Go forth into awkwardly executed obedience! Jesus has your back!