Good, Good Father

What comes to your mind when you think "God"? Do you think of a loving daddy? Do you feel comfort? Are you frightened?

I am a Christian and have been since I was a very out spoken 6 year old. It was logical that I become a Christian, I was going to a Christian school after all. There was no earth shattering redemption from the black hole of filth of my own making. How much mess could a 6 year old have made? I was too young to drink, my mother would not have let me get away with anything terrible, even by 6 year old standards!

During my teen years I had a few renewals of the heart. I wanted to make good and sure all my bases were covered. Every one was heartfelt and sincere. I never got into much trouble as a teen so even then, no radical 180° turns required.

In my 20s I had to decide if my faith was truly my own and not just the result of my upbringing. Having small children did not leave me much time to THINK DEEP THOUGHTS very often. I do remember not trusting God with my children. I thought he would take them away from me to "teach me a lesson". Surely, I had plenty to learn. I survived pretty much on my own. I was exhausted.

Until recently, the picture in my mind when I thought of God was of good ole Abe Lincoln sitting on his concrete chair, cold and distant, waiting for me to mess up again to say, "See? I told you, you never listen!" I did not see a good father, I did not see someone who loves me.  



I have a good dad. He has been a great example of a good father to me. Why did I think God would not be a good father? I am sure many would analyze my life and say that my father let me down, did not praise me enough. To that I say, Phewy! If we are going to play that game, we will do so all the way back to Adam. I am sure my dad did not do ALL THE THINGS RIGHT. None of us do. I refuse to lay blame at my dad's feet. That would mean my children can do the same thing to me! There is no way I am perfect! I have broken most of the "Good Mother" rules. This will only bring about condemnation furthering defeat. Do I have little girl memories when my daddy hurt my heart? Of course I do! Did my dad intentionally do things to hurt me, ABSOLUTELY NOT! We all work within the scope of our life experiences and hurts.

I know why I thought of God as cold and distant. I will let you in on that little secret. As long as I remained intimidated by the God I serve, I remain ineffective. I have always believed in God's existence. I have only recently believed in His goodness. How can I inspire others to embrace the goodness and love of God if I myself do not believe? If satan's desire and mission is to cripple Christians, all he has to do is convince us to believe a lie. Mission accomplished. 

The picture I now see of God is still in His big chair, but now I see Him engaged in me! Looking at me like a father would look at a child he is enjoying. I have engaged with Him and saw myself sitting on His lap, snuggled into His chest. I am learning to speak to Him. Jesus' death on the cross makes it so that I can. The difference this understanding has made in my life is noticeable, even to those who do not know Him. This difference changes my entire perspective on who I am which in true effects how I speak to others, my children, my husband and every person that I meet. 

What do you see when you think of God?

 Here's what I know, He's a Good, Good Father.

I'm back!

These days so many thoughts are roiling around in my head and since processing my thoughts out loud usually leads to eyes rolling back in heads as people fall asleep, then they start to drool and it gets embarrassing. I often don't even know what I'm thinking until I hear myself say it. Oh, you've noticed?

I was just reading my old posts and I still feel the same. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! I do now work outside of the home. I am working as a legal secretary, so not what one would imagine me doing but, God is good. He provides and this is what I do. In four to five years, my bosses will retire. I don't want to find another secretarial job then. Eww.

Thoughts are clamouring to be let out. Do I have what it takes to be a mom, wife, secretary and student? Will my brain know how to study? Will it know how to retain information? Will it be what God has for me? I've gone down enough rabbit trails trying to do my own thing. Tired of that! Will my passions align with my purpose? That would be amazing!

See? Now you know why I might need to rant sometimes!

Musings of a Deep Thinker

Ha! You may not know this, but when I think, it is very deep. So deep I often can't verbalize what it is that I have concluded. Some thoughts just don't go away and must be thought completely before they will leave me at peace. There is a reason for this. God wants me to grasp something that I need to know.

Something very powerful is happening in our world these days. Everyone feels it. Not everyone understands what it is about. It is the stirring of a revival like we have never seen. There is a very powerful stirring happening in the youth and young adults around me. There is a boldness that I sure never experienced as a young person. I was always kind of embarrassed by the fact that I went to church (a weird one) and a Christian School. I was odd. I felt odd. I hated feeling odd. Now I'm use to it. I have embraced my oddness. It is inevitable.

In light of what I have observed, I have been pondering my role. I could feel really left out that I'm not on the cutting edge of this fiery passion. I don't. I see that it is something for the younger ones. My role is different.

Acts 2:17-18 comes to mind as I think these deep thoughts.
¹⁷ ‘In the last days,’ God says,
‘I will pour out my Spirit upon all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
Your young men will see visions,
and your old men will dream dreams.
¹⁸ In those days I will pour out my Spirit
even on my servants—men and women alike—
and they will prophesy.
(Just for the record, I'm not an old man. I'm not an old woman either. Considering that it the days that this was written, I would have fallen into the old woman category, I feel comfortable about using this for the purpose of formulating deep thoughts.)

I see the Spirit being poured out on all of us. I see it in my teens. I see it in my sister. I see it in my younger friends. I see it in my church. More over, I feel it in my spirit. It is more real than anything else I know.

I have concluded that my part in this amazing movement is that of a mentor. (Ack! Me being responsible! Egads! What is this world coming to?) Over my years of going to that weird church and Christian school, I have learned a ton of sound stuff! I might not know much about popular culture, but I know a heck of a lot about Christ Culture. I'm over feeling dumb and left out because I'm not up on the latest band, star, what have you. That won't get me anywhere and I really could care less. ( I didn't really care about the latest, but I did care about not knowing my own generation's information.)

I have been pondering this stuff for a couple of weeks a least. Today in church, the question was put out there for me, I'm sure of it. "What are the three top things you would like to be equipped in?" Guess what? I already had the answer for one of them. When does that ever happen? I'm not generally so prepared! Woot woot! Since this was put out to the home groups, I really don't need all of the answers, one will do!

I am finding that I am content when I am moving in the direction that I am called to. A huge step for me was leading praise. I've been part of the team for years. I used to in the weird church, but that was different. I KNOW that is what I am designed to do. I KNOW that I am to learn to hear my Father's voice so that I know without question what He is saying to me. The reason Jesus was never wrong is he KNEW his Father's voice. Imagine never having prayer unanswered, saying the right thing to someone at the right time, being His voice to those who haven't learned to hear it yet. Powerful. Not power to me, but glory to Him. Witness that makes Him undeniably awesome. Now that rocks!