Musings of a Deep Thinker

Ha! You may not know this, but when I think, it is very deep. So deep I often can't verbalize what it is that I have concluded. Some thoughts just don't go away and must be thought completely before they will leave me at peace. There is a reason for this. God wants me to grasp something that I need to know.

Something very powerful is happening in our world these days. Everyone feels it. Not everyone understands what it is about. It is the stirring of a revival like we have never seen. There is a very powerful stirring happening in the youth and young adults around me. There is a boldness that I sure never experienced as a young person. I was always kind of embarrassed by the fact that I went to church (a weird one) and a Christian School. I was odd. I felt odd. I hated feeling odd. Now I'm use to it. I have embraced my oddness. It is inevitable.

In light of what I have observed, I have been pondering my role. I could feel really left out that I'm not on the cutting edge of this fiery passion. I don't. I see that it is something for the younger ones. My role is different.

Acts 2:17-18 comes to mind as I think these deep thoughts.
¹⁷ ‘In the last days,’ God says,
‘I will pour out my Spirit upon all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
Your young men will see visions,
and your old men will dream dreams.
¹⁸ In those days I will pour out my Spirit
even on my servants—men and women alike—
and they will prophesy.
(Just for the record, I'm not an old man. I'm not an old woman either. Considering that it the days that this was written, I would have fallen into the old woman category, I feel comfortable about using this for the purpose of formulating deep thoughts.)

I see the Spirit being poured out on all of us. I see it in my teens. I see it in my sister. I see it in my younger friends. I see it in my church. More over, I feel it in my spirit. It is more real than anything else I know.

I have concluded that my part in this amazing movement is that of a mentor. (Ack! Me being responsible! Egads! What is this world coming to?) Over my years of going to that weird church and Christian school, I have learned a ton of sound stuff! I might not know much about popular culture, but I know a heck of a lot about Christ Culture. I'm over feeling dumb and left out because I'm not up on the latest band, star, what have you. That won't get me anywhere and I really could care less. ( I didn't really care about the latest, but I did care about not knowing my own generation's information.)

I have been pondering this stuff for a couple of weeks a least. Today in church, the question was put out there for me, I'm sure of it. "What are the three top things you would like to be equipped in?" Guess what? I already had the answer for one of them. When does that ever happen? I'm not generally so prepared! Woot woot! Since this was put out to the home groups, I really don't need all of the answers, one will do!

I am finding that I am content when I am moving in the direction that I am called to. A huge step for me was leading praise. I've been part of the team for years. I used to in the weird church, but that was different. I KNOW that is what I am designed to do. I KNOW that I am to learn to hear my Father's voice so that I know without question what He is saying to me. The reason Jesus was never wrong is he KNEW his Father's voice. Imagine never having prayer unanswered, saying the right thing to someone at the right time, being His voice to those who haven't learned to hear it yet. Powerful. Not power to me, but glory to Him. Witness that makes Him undeniably awesome. Now that rocks!

Freedom

Last night there was an event. This event was not inspired by man. This was straight from the Father's hand. He called it, God of This City. It was His design. It was a night of inter-church praise and prayer.
About a year and a half ago, God put this night into the heart of Heather. She talked to her pastor and the timing was not right. Fast forward a year or so to a new pastor with the same dream in his heart. This dream was to break down the differences between local churches and bring us together.
I did not know Heather. I had met her, but never interacted with her. I too have had a burn for praise and church interaction.
Fast forward yet again. My friend, Karl, has worked with Heather before. She asked him to lead one of the praise teams. He asked me if I would sing. In a heart beat! Even at our first practice, I could feel "something". This was going to be amazing. As things progressed so did the the level of "amazing". I don't mean we were amazing, while we are good at what we do, it wasn't us. It was the Lion, He was on the move. I could feel Him.
My life had a bunch of things that all came to a head this weekend. Paul's shop was relocating. I was starting a new job. We started a new worship team for church and it was our turn to pick all the songs and organize it. I had the contract to clean the shop Paul's business was moving into. My life was so busy. My kids were feeling the pinch. To top it all off, we got the flu. I was in survival mode. I would have been there anyway without the added experience I was given.
It was really weird. While there is a huge learning curve in my job, I have been remarkably at peace. I have been catching on to things rather quickly (I think, you'd have to ask my co-worker to be sure!) God totally gave me this job. If God be for me, who could be against me?
With Paul's shop moving, we were out almost every night cleaning. The kids were home sick for an entire week. I had no down time. I felt like I was barely hanging on. Thursday night we went to our Home Group. We love our group. We have amazing people that speak into our lives and the lives of our kids. I went only because I had missed two weeks and didn't want to miss another. While there, I was miserable. The discussion was not stimulating to me. I just wanted out. Finally it was over and Miriam asked if they could pray for me. They knew this Event was coming. So they prayed for me. I was under attack spiritually. I too had gotten the flu and was afraid of losing my voice.
This has been an issue with me for years. Every time I had an opportunity to expand and sing and share, I got sick. I was getting quite angry about this. I know that I am called to sing and praise my Father. I was crying out that He heal my voice for real. A singer without a voice just doesn't work.
Anyway, back to Home Group, they prayed for me and I felt a bit of a release. I left my voice in God's hands and tried not to worry. Fast forward to Saturday morning worship practice. I was in a very bad state. I can't even really describe it. Miserable, weighted, weary. This begins to describe it. I wasn't nervous or scared or worried about singing. That would come later, but isn't a bothersome thing. It's part and parcel for the job. At the end of practice, Cheryl came to help me out. I kinda broke down. Paul, our pastor Brian, and Cheryl prayed for me. Finally, whatever the heaviness was, it was gone. I was limp. I was drained. I was empty. My voice was on the brink of leaving.
People talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel. The bottom of the barrel I was scraping was so polished, there weren't even any splinters left. The good news was, there was no more of me in the way at all. The only way I would make it though that night was if God filled me up. That requires stepping out in Faith.
After sound check, I came home and took a nap. When I woke up, I was still empty. I wrote a note to some of my friends and my sister, people who I know would support me and pray. It's not like this Event wasn't already well prayed for. It was. For each praise team, there was a prayer team. I just needed that little bit extra.
So to the Event I go. Butterflies were kicking in. We were the last team scheduled. We did a practice run though and went down to pray. There were about 40+ people involved in make the Event happen. We went down to pray together to for the night. The incredible power just in that prayer alone was more than I'd been exposed to in a very long time.
As the last team up, I sat in the crowd. Before we started, Heather opened with "permission", if you will, to worship God as we saw fit. Freedom in the spirit. What a gift. At first I stood. I wasn't singing in an effort to save what voice power I had. Eventually I sat and let the the Almighty Waters wash over me. It was in at theater so it was dark and no one was looking. Tears streamed down my face. I made no effort to stop them. Freedom.
After one team was finished, I went out to the foyer. Tamara, a sweet, broken-hearted 13 year old I know and love, was sitting out there with her back to the doors. I went and hugged her. I asked her why she was sitting out there all by herself. She said, "Truthfully? I have never cried like that in a service before." I hugged her tighter and prayed, prayed words that could only have come from God. She hugged me even tighter. You've got to understand this girl. She has been betrayed by the one man on earth who is suppose to be a real life example of God to her. He has broken her heart. As protection, she has hardened her heart. Show no deep emotion, and no one will hurt me. She was out there trying to regain control. She clung to me. I brought her back in and told her to cry and let God heal her heart. I gave her to a good man who would not hurt her, Paul. He hugged her and was there.
Through all the WORSHIP I tried not to sing. I could still feel that weakness in my throat, threatening disaster. I still surrendered and worshiped, just not with the gift I have been given.
One of the groups sang, "I Exalt Thee". This song is one that has been simmering in the back of my heart for awhile. I let loose. I gave it everything I have. At that point, I decided that if I was to lose my voice, I would lose it praising my Father. Praise Him I did. With everything I had. Finally, I was being fill again. At some point after that, I realized that the scratch in my throat was gone. He came though. He did promise.
I have no idea how we did as far as how was the "performance" would have been rated. Good news. I really don't care. I know I have been nourished like I've not been nourished in a very, very long time. I know that I loved seeing Karl leading and doing what he's called to do. I loved working with others of the same mind and spirit. I love that there was freedom to worship as God himself gave us freedom. There were flag wavers, tambourine whacker, Indian dancers. Those aren't my cup of tea, but it was theirs. They were free too.
My children were there. This was a bit of a new experience for the younger ones since we don't attend a charismatic church. Michael has had more exposure. He understood what was going on. I watched my littles sit for 3 hours without complaining at all. Jamison sat in the front row. He was still. He sat with his head back on the chair and just absorbed. Jonathan just curled up on his chair. You've got to understand, these boys are boys. Sitting isn't something they do. Whether they understood or not, the power was still there and it moved them. Adriana could feel it. She absorbed it.
Michael sat with some friends and they were moved. Bethany, Tamara's sister, was sitting with him. Both were letting the tears flow freely. Until I screwed up. Then she laughed! But that's OK. This was not emotionalism. This was the Spirit of God moving, alive and powerful. Almost an entire row was taken up by youth from the church I attend. They were all fed. That makes me very excited. This is my son's peer group. God is moving IN them. If He is moving in them, He will move though them.
The effects of this night are eternal. After a performance, there is often an empty feeling that comes. All that work and now it's over. I was sort of expecting that last night. It never came. It was still there this morning during church. I could still sing. I fully expected to have laryngitis. I don't. I sang through two services and still could sing. It is nothing short of miraculous. I am so thankful. Words can't describe it.
You see, for months I have been praying that God would bring freedom of worship to me. I'm not sure if it's European reserve passed down though generations, classical training or just plain old fear that makes me like I am. I want to be free to worship effectively in public as well as private. I'm too concerned with how I appear. I don't want to care. I want to be free. Last night a good work was begun. I am becoming free. God heard my heart's cry and he answered. I am hungry for more. That was just a beginning.

Happy November! November is a month I'm rather partial to. It is the month that introduced me to the world and it's never been the same! In a few days, I will be 38. For some reason that sounds kinda old to me. I'm still younger than my collection of friends, not that it really matters. It's just so fun to rub in! IN just two years, I will be 40. Yikes! I know it's no big deal. I watched my friend Kim and my Sister pass that milestone this year and they seem to be taking it fine. I'm sure I'll survive just fine!
Way back in January, I alluded to certain events brewing in my head. At the time, I was too chicken to say it out loud. In September I picked up the phone and made a commitment. Scary stuff, that phone! I called the lady who is now my piano teacher. I also called the lady who is teaching me music theory, Judy. She's a big deal in my life. Judy was teaching me voice a couple of years ago. It is she who planted the idea in my head. Voice lessons were interrupted when Judy was in an accident that certainly changed her life dramatically. We have kept in touch and I called on her for input into how I should approach this next step in my life. So the big idea is.... MUSIC!!!!! I am pursuing a career in music. My goal is currently vocal with piano teaching after that. Sure wish I had applied myself when I was younger!
I love taking piano. I even like practicing. I look forward to playing really well someday! It is hard work making one's brain do things it hasn't done for years! All those little black notes are harder to read than they use to be too! I am so excited to finally be taking steps in the direction that I know I'm suppose to go. It just feels right. I think everyone is given a talent and a passion that is theirs to nurture. It is in that field that they will find success and a contentment. Now I do need to find a job to support my studies to get me to the point of generating income through music. Later! Gotta go practice.

In lieu of something profound

Well, school is over finally and we've had our long weekend. And what a weekend it was! I am one of the few adult women who enjoy camping... in a tent! I was uncomfortable and cold and not showered and I loved it. There is something so peaceful about being outside, cooking, eating, playing with the kids or watching them play, playing with fire, drinking "camping coffee", and sitting up late around the campfire watching the flames.

We were invited to a Grand Opening by some good friends of ours. Her sister and brother-in-law have an adventure company, The Outdoor Life Adventure Company. They were offering guided wildlife tours, riverboat tours, and a tour through the Ancient Forest. There was the option to camp. I latched on to that and next thing you know were all camping with the exception of "The Princess". She does not camp.

Friday noon we took off in a small caravan (can 2 vehicles be a caravan?) and drove 160 kms to Crescent Spur where Outdoor Life has carved out a small corner to share with outsiders. The campground is tucked away in the corner of a field with the river on two sides of it. We picked our spots and Paul, Michael and Karl set up camp. We set up a little cook tent too. During this process we kept a wary eye on the other people across the way, one never know what sort of people they might be...

After the inaugural cup of coffee (a "must" with Karl around) and feeding the kids sandwiches to tide them over, we started making supper. We eventually ventured over to the fire. Some of the "other people" were over there. In no time at all we were very comfortably conversing and having a great time with them.

After eating, the kids scattered. Jonathan found a bike and kept himself busy all weekend. Jamison managed to find a hornets nest and got two stings! Adriana went off with the girls and we hardly saw her at all. Much to my joy, there were two boys Michael's age there. He is often the odd man out because he is older than our friends' kids.

Backtracking a bit, Rod, the boat man, took Michael and the two boys across the river to go fishing. They had one radio and I had the other. Two hours passed and it was supper time. I called to the boys on the radio and didn't get a response. So I handed the radio to Paul for him to figure out. Paul could hear them yelling but couldn't get them on the radio. Off goes Rod in search of the boys. Poor stranded boys had gotten over there and the radio had died. A good bonding experience for sure. No fish but they saw a beaver and decided to to eat Dallas if Rod never returned. Never underestimate the ingenuity of hungry teenagers.

After a hefty consumption of s'mores, the kids were packed off to bed. Jonathan had made a bet with Karl and I that if he stayed up until 1:00 we'd each pay him $5. He tried so hard and it wasn't a fair bet since I have the power to send him to bed. When Paul showed up after 12 and made him lay down, he was very upset... and promptly fell asleep.

I made an excursion to answer the call of nature at 5:30 the next morning. It was so peaceful and glorious. I went down by the river and would love to have spent an hour drinking coffee and enjoying the solitude. Somehow sleep called me back to the tent.

There is nothing like crawling out of the tent and being handed a cup of steaming coffee. It didn't exactly happen like that but a girl can dream, can't she?! After a hearty breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon and coffee, we went on our wildlife tour. With five 9-11 year olds, sneaking up on wildlife was a bit of a joke and not likely to happen. I felt like the pied piper. Every time I tried to approach the guide to hear what he had to say, all the kids followed me and I could not escape! I'm sure he was a wealth of knowledge. Paul would know... I just enjoyed being outside walking with all the kids and seeing them have so much fun just "being". We did spot a mamma black bear with a cub while all the noisy ones (Karl and the kids) were lagging behind.

After lunch, we went to the Ancient Forest. I wish I could remember all the scientific information about it, but it was so beautiful and something I would highly recommend. There is more biomass located in that forest than in any other inland rainforest. It is one of only two inland rain forests in the world. The other one is in south america. "Ours" is the more impressive of the two. 5% of the worlds carbon store is in our rainforest. "The Princess" showed up and actually was seen hiking in the forest. Like Michael said, "I haven't ever seen her outside her house before."

While we waited for our last adventure of the day, Paul and I played with the GPS and had our first venture with geocaching. It was kinda fun and we almost missed our boat ride.

The riverboat was a blast! Rod is an extreme sportsman and known for his wild side. He's goal was to make his passengers scream. I think he was a little disappointed in that I was not getting freaked out! It was kinda fun messing with him. Ultimately, he did succeed. I was too relaxed and lost my seat and banged my arm. I confess, I screamed. I'm sure it was the pain...=D

Karl and the kids packed up and left us there for one more night. It rained. The air mattress is now just a rubber flat thing destined for recycling. Adriana and I finally went to sleep in the van at 1:00 AM so Paul could sleep on her mattress and at least one of us would get enough sleep to drive home in the morning. We woke to a wet world, fed the kids what we could without cooking and headed home.

I can't wait to do it again!

Yikes a Mighty!

It has been over a year since I last posted. I'm sure no one is out there anymore. I have given renewed thoughts about blogging on a somewhat regular basis! Yeah right!

OK, so new year, new ideas or rather old ideas recycled. I have plans for this year that I'm not sure I've ever put into play before. A year ago, I had stated out loud that I wished to teach knitting classes. I love, love, love, knitting! I found out that the owner of the local yarn shop taught classes and had a teacher for them already. I kind of forgot about it early on in the year. I went to the Stitch and Bitch and generally had a good time. The lady teaching is older and has had cancer before and seems to have a reoccurrence. This is sad news. On the other hand, she wanted out of teaching the class. In December I was asked to teach! I was so excited. Still am. Today was my first class. The girls had a great time and the pattern I chose will definitely challenge and expand their knowledge. Whoo, I rock!

OK, this has been fun and refreshing, I should do it again sometime. I'm off to see Jesus Christ, Superstar tonight with my friend B. I have so many other plans rattling around in my brain. I'm not ready to spill yet, but it's coming!

If anyone is still out there , drop me a line and let me know! Thanks, K

Moving!

We are moving. Seriously, we are moving in two weeks. Five days before Christmas. Who in their right minds would add something else into an already chaotic month? Apparently us! We have been wanting a bigger house for a while. We've seriously outgrown our current house. Paul and I went looking on Saturday and saw THE house and made an offer. We finally had all the kinks worked out by noon today. What a relief! So now I will begin packing like a mad woman and do all the other busyness associated with the blessed Christmas season and on Christmas day my new house will be filled with the delicious smell of Golden Turkey, Pumpkin Pie and peaceful children pleased to be in their new bedrooms, which incidentally they are getting for Christmas! Merry Christmas Everyone!

What's with people these days?

Honestly! I've been listening to the news today, not something I usually do. What a bunch of IDIOTS! These people pretending to help rule this Country are trying to throw it under the bus! Who in their right minds would in these unstable times, try to pull what they are trying to pull? Come on! I'm no financial genius but like anyone who thinks with their head, I realize that serious things need to be taken care of. Our entire society needs to pull up it socks and become responsible for ourselves. Stop spending just so we can have stuff that complicates our lives. How many TVs does one person actually need? So Steven Harper, who we voted in not once but twice, is an economist. We have had years of Liberal spending and NDP credit card spending. What do you suppose we should do to recover? Who should we rely on to fix our country? We could be a powerful country again. We have so much to offer the world and ourselves. I really want to protest  and yell and rant and rave to get some sense into those spoilt politicians trying to destroy this country. I don't want to be answering to China or India. I AM CANADIAN!